Friday, December 14, 2007 @4:50 AM
i have been a out lesbian for about 7mths. out meaning being out to the family. i guess you will never be really be confronted with the problem with being out until the catholic church brings you down with their laws and rules and the "wholeness" of the bible. I love god and i do believe that he loves me too. but being confronted with the LAWS of living a proper life as stated in the bible made me very confused. i have been a participating christian for almost a year. and a meeting with a family friend really roughed my lesbian identity a bit. its no longer so simple as god loves you and wants u to always tbe happy and loved and cherished. she interogates me about my lesbian lifestyle and then questions me if i believe in God any more. "you mean to say you dont love God any more?!", she questions me. "I WANT TO KNOW WAT DO YOU DO? ORAL SEX?" her face a sight of accusation and anger. "then you tell me wat is it then in a hetrosextual relationship that i cant get in a homosextual one? cuz u i look at the relationship in my family and look at my parents?! I dont see why i cant do better!" I retort. I am loved and cherished and treated well. i am happy and i honestly content, which is better then i was when i was with guys. She has no answer to that." well thats the natural and normal way things are. you just have not met someone (boy) thats the right one." she tells me.
i really dun understand the difference. i could still have children and bring then up and love them and keep them secure and bring them up as good children. I would make extra effort to make it work. the only reason the bible forbits homosextuality is because if he says its alright then there will never be any one to bring forth the bible and the bible will cease to exist, thus for the continual of its own existance there must be more kids and no homosextuality.
the church does not understand that repremunding the gay community and denouncing us and using rules and phrases from the bible in the light of "saving us" is not going to "save us" or stop us from being homosextual, but push us to hate God and run away form him and not wanting to know about him. Because all we hear is YOU ARE WRONG, YOU ARE GOING AGAINST GOD AND THUS ARE GOING TO HELL. there is no love in the catholic church and no acceptance. dun you know the basics of selling an idea to a person. you got to make the person accept you first then sell your idea.
my first confrontation with the catholic church. it made me reconsider my present protestant church in search for a church that accepts me for who i am. like God says, if he loves me as much as he say he does, why cant he love me as i am? cant i love a woman and still have faith in him or do i love a God who is ever ready to judge and condamn me to hell. i have to find people like me who are searching for acceptance and love. people who understand wat i am going through and are willing to form meaningful friendships with.
i know alot of lesbians out there dun have to face the condamnation of the church and the Right and Wrongs of the Bible and they never get confronted with the Power of the Church. the looks they give you in your presence and the remarks you know they make when they think you are not listening. my girlfriend says" why let yourself get involved and get emotional and worked up about it?" i cant just leave it alone and move on. i believe that that there will be a church for me and i will get to know some lesbians out there in the community who are like me. Having a faith and loving the same sex.
Labels: hell has no condamnation like the catholic church
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